Poem Time

Wzup people? I am 6 days away from the two year mark that I received news that changed my life forever. I have just recently been able to cope with the news and I am glad to say that after further research I am beginning to become a little more optimistic. Most of my family has read the following poem but I decided to go ahead and get it out there, someone else might be going through the same thing and it's good to know that they are not alone. My advice would be keep your head up and try to keep faith no matter how hard that seems....so here goes my first Poem on my blog.


A LETTER TO MY CHILD THAT COULD NEVER BE.


I dreamt of you for as long as I can remember,
Even imagined that you were conceived in December.

Born unto us late Summer, beginning of Fall,
I wondered if you would take after me and be kinda tall.

I picked out your name way back in the day,
I was just waiting on you to come on your merry ole way.

I dreamt of you in every imaginable way,
Until the Doctor took my dream away.

It was Thursday, January 12th, 2006,
That the news hit me like a ton of bricks.

He said " I have some news and it might sound terrible,
You my son Ricky, are just plain out sterile".

I sat there in silence as the words echoed through my head,
From that moment my child you no longer existed, you were dead.

Then he said "don't worry Ricky, we have a few other options,
There's always donor sperm or hey, what about adoption."

I lifted my head up and stared him dead in his eyes,
Before I knew it I began to cry.

These tears however never ran down my face,
My pain and suffering was in a much deeper place.

Those words the Doc said just five minutes ago,
That shit touched me down to my soul.

He sits there with a pic of his kids as if to gloat,
Man I just want to grab him by his throat.

And his words of comfort were "there's always adoption,"
FUCK you Doc and your stupid ass options.

"How would you feel if your kids were ripped from your life,
And it was you who was filled with grief and strife."

I leave his office but the words just play over and over rattling my brain,
It's slowly killing me, it's driving me so damn insane.

No one knows exactly how I feel,
And the truth of the matter they never will.

I HATE hearing it's okay, just pray, God has a plan,
That's YOUR God, I lost faith, I will never understand.

I messed up a few times in life and that's my word,
But not to be able to enjoy the greatest gift of life, that's just absurd.

I no longer no what to do cause I hate self pity,
But right now I feel so shitty.

I'm lost in this world and don't know my place,
I feel like a failure and such a disgrace.

You my child was all I longed for,
Now I have nothing left to hope for.

And yes it's true you will never be born,
But my love for you will never be torn.

I will dream of you until my dying day,
And no one or nothing can take that away........